Seventeen Years

I want people whose blogs I read to post more...and here's me. I haven't posted for over a month. I do have an excuse. I was gifted a new puppy. A boxer/lab mix from the local shelter. Daisy. She is 3 months old. We brought her home on the 26th of December. She has tripled in weight and size since then. Currently a little over 12 pounds. She is adorable and energetic. So, I've been busy. Our other dog is over 7 and he's not too demanding. Daisy is a whole 'nother story. I think she is the dunce of puppy class. But, she does the commands at home. Maybe she's just shy. Not. But, she has a big distraction in another puppy, Tessie, a golden lab. But, other than puppy care, I've been trying to keep up on the classes I need to keep my teaching certificate. Easier to do things in a timely fashion than to wait until the very last minute and then panic.

On a different note, today I have been sober for exactly 6,209 days. That's 17 years one day at a time. It's funny. It's not like I didn't know how much time I had. I did , of course. But, once I began to think about it I realized I am fast approaching being sober longer than the span of time I was alive before getting sober. It's a kick to realize one has been sober longer than one drank. But, I passed that one up a while ago. It sets me to thinking about how this all came about and where the hell am I going. And scary pledges to Brigid an all. Cause you know that whatever you pledge, it will not look a bit like what you thought it would. Therein lies the scary. But, then, getting sober didn't look a bit like what I thought it would either. And having 17 years doesn't look like what I thought it would either. I thought I would be such a sage. What crap. And the work doesn't get any easier. Just different. Oh, it changes. Yes, yes. It all changes very much. I am not the person I was ten years ago, let alone 17 years ago. But, I am, at my core, still the same person. And I carry the memories of all those changes in my bones. That's why the fear. I was afraid 17 years ago. Gods, I think that was the main emotion in my life. That and rage. Now, I can be afraid and know it and walk through anyway. But the experience of past *walks* tells me the unknown will open and I will walk through. Sometimes I'm not sure if that's brave or foolish. But, so far, I have not been lead astray.
So, here's to *doing it afraid, baby!*